The Ultimate Valentine's Day
Produced and directed by the heart and spirit

by Dr. Basha Kaplan, author of
“Soul Dating to Soul Mating: On the Path Toward Spiritual Partnership”

 As long as I can remember, I have dreaded Valentine’s Day.  When I was single and not dating, or even when I was involved in a relationship, the day always turned out disastrous.  This supposedly marvelous holiday, revolving around LOVE  and romance always seemed to produce the opposite effect.  It never met the expectations and the hoopla that the media professed, falling far short of the romantic expression and passion we all crave in our lives. 

When I was single and not dating anyone, Valentine’s Day reinforced my feelings of being alone, unloved and hopeless concerning my love life.  Even when I was in a loving relationship, no matter how much we planned and what my partner and I got for each other, something was always missing and again I felt empty and not particularly loved.  When speaking with my friends and clients in my practice as a clinical psychologist, whether male or female, this experience seemed to ring true for them as well.

For years I kept asking myself, “What’s wrong with me?”  Finally, a light bulb went off in my head.  The problem has been that Valentine’s Day has become a “doing” holiday.  We’ve been confusing romance with LOVE.  True love is not about “doing”.   It’s about “being” and “feeling” -- our true soulful values.  You can never truly experience love and caring from the externals  (the personality), where the goal is to accomplish a desired result, look good, or behave the correct way.   Pop culture has created a fertile environment for romantic illusion to blossom, focusing our attention on external issues like a romantic dinner, a fireplace, diamonds, flowers, etc..  The media’s artificial portrayal of love is sabotaging our chance for true connection and intimacy.

About five years ago, I began asking myself, “Since love is about connecting with myself and another deeply and intimately by touching my soul’s essence and spirit, the most meaningful and intimate gift I can give myself for Valentine’s Day is to share this with another.  In this light, how can I reinvent  the essence of Valentine’s Day to reflect this true vision of love?”  I finally decided to transform  Valentine’s Day into a “Being” event.

Since most of our lives are hectic, involved in “doing” activities, we simply don’t take the time to be intimate and loving.  What a treat it would be to have this special day and evening devoted to reflection and gratitude, thanking ourselves for being who we are.  This can be the time, when either alone or with another, we focus on honoring our soul by embracing the connection to our higher self, God, and the universe while acknowledging our own and another’s spiritual and emotional needs.  This “being” state allows us to slow down and begin to live in the moment, to embrace our feelings and intuition which encourages the expression of our internal values such as compassion, love , generosity, meaningfulness and kindness.  These are the ingredients of a soul connection.

Internally, remembering that  the essence of love is a soulful connection with ourselves and another, we can transform this day by creating an environment of intimacy, unconditional love, shared feelings, listening and spending quality time with ourselves and another whether we are single or married.  Valentine’s Day can be a signpost of love when we allow ourselves time to slow down and remember who we are and what is really important and meaningful to ourselves and our partner in life.

“Being” activities, done alone or together, can be rejuvenating and truly intimate.  Taking a bubble bath, reading poetry, bringing flowers to a nursing home or to someone in the hospital, meditating, journaling - whatever touches our soul and is meaningful to us that we rarely get a chance to do, are the activities that can make Valentine’s a truly special day.  Remember, romance begins when we know and experience our essence and find the “lover” inside of ourselves and then share it with another.  It’s a magical experience, feeling like we’ve come home to ourselves.  This is the Ultimate Valentine’s Day, the true meaning of love.